Just Look How Far I Have Come...

Well, I was a little shocked to see that it had in fact been almost a week since I last updated *Shocking* and even worse, I am now trying to remember what I did with my days...

Saw "The Kings Speech" a few times, brilliant film, if you've not seen it I advise you do. Also finally got to see "Burlesque". Well as lovely and entertaining as the film was, it wasn't really a proper portrayal to the world of Burlesque, or what you do. I can see girls watching and thinking 'you know what, I'd like to do that'. Girls, it involves stripteases, not show however in the film! Check it out before you make choices.

Saw Brendan Cole live, "Live and Unjudged" amazing and talented guy - again, if you can get tickets do. A show definitely not to be missed.

Highlight of the week, probably today. Went to London, two auditions. One I was apparently too thin for, well I shan't complain although I was ever so slightly miffed. First time I am apparently thin in my life and it means I can't get a role I wanted. Other, I was offered the role but it is only three weeks in May this year, goodness knows what I'll be doing in four months time... but now is the time that I have to make the choice, I think I will sleep on it first.

After met up with lil sis and went to see Legally Blonde the Musical. Not my first time, as I am sure you are all aware, but it was for her, and am pleased to say seeing the 'new cast' led by Susan McFadden as the Delta Nu sweetheart Elle Woods, having taken over from "2 Pints" star Sheridan Smith it was refreshing to see a different take on the character, just a let down that the audience appeared to only wake up at curtain call.

Stars of the show for me today had to be Suzie McLean who plays Enid Hoops and Jane McMurtrie who is usually seen in the backgrounds as a Swing, but is also the dance captain and I think there are only two female roles I haven't seen her cover, but today was on as Exercise and Fitness Queen Brooke Windham.

It was lovely to once again meet cast after the show, and speaking to Jane I think my quote of the day had to be:

"There has to be something feisty about her for them to believe she is possibly able to kill her husband. Its all about there being something in the eyes."

She may not play Brooke full time, and was covering for Tamara Wall, who this week started filming with the cast of EastEnders, but she sure shows her depth of knowledge into each and every character she's come up against to play. Between Tamara, Suzie and Jane they could probably do a 'Three Woman Show' of it and still get it done perfectly!

While it was lovely to see older faces there, there were some new ones this including Nicola Brazil who has taken over from McFadden in the role of Serena UCLA's Sorority Cheerleader. She seemed a little nervous, but with this being her first week, who can blame her?

Never Loose Hope

I know, I said I was going to write this every day, but I find that perhaps that was a little ambitious and perhaps I should have said something like making sure I update at least once a week, seems a little more realistic for me!

So Friday I had auditions and an Interview, still waiting to hear back from two of them, but I loved the experience once more, was knackered. My own fault seeing as I found I didn't actually sleep the night before.

Yesterday I had Nikki's funeral which was nice, I can't exactly say it was lovely seeing as she was 21 and it shouldn't have been happening for AT LEAST another eighty or so years.

Most shocking news to hear was that Susan McFadden, currently lead in the West End hit Musical Legally Blonde as Elle Woods is not top of the bill. It seems that the producers are wanting Denise Van Outen's 'big name' to bring in the crowds. Seems some what disrespectful though, unless they were worried to loose Denise prematurely if she wasn't down as top of the bill.

Sad thing is, it isn't Paulette's story, it is Elle's and for that reason it is a disgrace that they should put a supporting actress at the top, simply because Susan has only just got to the top! Working on how the West End currently seems to be working, does that mean that there is a chance Danielle Hope won't be top of the bill for "The Wizard of Oz"? I think not.

With Denise leaving in April, all eyes are waiting to see who is to replace her as bubbly hairdresser Paulette in the musical, though many fans angered by Susan being knocked off of the top spot speculate, and probably correctly so that it'll be another 'big name' and someone else to top the bill.

As I tweeted last night "I think the West End needs to remember that talent doesn't come from the name. You remember the name because of the talent."

Whatever next, "Paulette the Musical"?

Time To Let Go

Okay, so I feel as though I let myself down a little yesterday as I forgot to post this in the right time zone as it to still show it was Thursday. However, with having to admit this fail, I am on the vurge of heading to bed to get some much needed beauty sleep before a busy day tomorrow of interviews and auditions! When I said as a joke to someone that the world was always busy for me, I can see now I wasn't kidding.


So for now I head to sleep, but here is another little snip it of 'Ladies of the West End'

By twenty one I’d been on the West End, ensemble only, worked as an Extra with the BBC and even had some back-stage experience within West End Theatres. My dreams achieved in two decades and summed up in one sentence. My oldest friend Tom, I know a male friend. I can assure you that he is not gay, and we have never been together in that way either. No he’s into Star Wars, Star Trek? I don’t know exactly, all things space, whatever could get him away from coursework as quickly as possibly I guess. But despite people looking at us and wondering what on earth we had in common it worked. I think a bizarre love of Family Guy, late nights and liking a wide range in music genre helped. He once said to me “You can achieve what you Dream.” He was really there for me during the lowest parts of my life. Don’t think he actually realises how grateful I am about that. And there was once chemistry between us, I mean, when you are studying for A-Levels, listening to music as you try to study, hormones all over the place you’re going to feel it; difference is, we loved the friendship too much to ruin it with a relationship.

I feel my little introduction to Tom has thrown me off course a little. There was a time one January that Tom I think for the first time worried about me. Jo, Rachel, Megan and I had moved to London and another girl called Nicola; we all loved the same things. Weekends if we were all off we’d head to the West End and find a show to see, our little ‘group’ tended to seem so normal to performers that they loved to have us in the audience, made the really weird OTTF (over the top freaks) seem a little less, intense. Once Megan had got her first job working in the production of Spring Awakening we tended to be meeting more and more ‘Celebs’. Weirdest feeling ever, just to let you know. I don’t think anything could prepare you for the feelings you’ll go through as the transaction of Fan to Friend occurs. You tend to forget that they are human just like us.

China in Your Hands

I was going to spend this blog talking about last night's episode of Holby City, with in depth analysis of the complex relationships between Penny and Frieda, Jac and Joseph and Chrissie and Sasha - but although we said goodbye to another fantastic character and talented actor Luke Roberts and seeing some rather emotional and moving acting from Rosie Marcel I feel that the weak plots leave little for me to say other then I hope they keep hold of Frieda Petrenko played by Olga Fedori who is current up for NTA's best Newcomer.

News of the day for me, was getting a call from one of my Girlie's Mum's to tell me that on Saturday night she passed away having battled with Leukemia for a while. I don't think it has quite set in yet, you can't just forget someone and all your memories with them come flooding back. Makes me feel ashamed that the last time I saw her was August 2009 as life became busy with work and University and although we spoke on a regular basis she kept from me just how bad things had got. I can see her now saying that she didn't tell me because she didn't want me to worry. She knows I'd have dropped everything to go spend time with her if she'd let me. It was always "Not this weekend babe." Now it's too late.

I feel selfish too for saying that I actually hurt. I've had elderly relatives die, but the youngest before them was Dad at the age of 37 when I was 9.... this is completely different. She was only 21, 22 next month! I got her to see Wicked and was going to get her tickets to see Ghost when it comes out, she had a huge soft spot for Richard Fleeshman, I never heard the last of it when I said I'd seen him in Legally Blonde. Feels a bit too creepy to go see Ghost now, I'll see.

Doctor, Doctor

I bit the bullet today and went to see my Doctor despite my reservations. Turns out he wanted to see me anyway - Saturday is Doctor's D-day!!

After waiting for the telephone interview I have two more on Friday, this should be interesting, perhaps I am just too opinionated?

Rather loved not having to rush about today however, meant I was able to meet up with friends for Lunch and almost seemed a lady of leisure; I'll get back to you on what I really think about that.

Another new years resolution to be completed soon, am looking at joining a Gym, just got to choose which one, New Year starts when I join for that resolution, Pizza and alcohol tonight with friends, just what the doctor ordered!

It's a New Dawn, It's a New Day

Back into the swing of a new week and although I'd love to get out and actually start to sort things out, I am bound here till I have received a phone call Interview which could be anytime within the next 48 hours; specific, I know!
Most of the day spent on Twitter and Facebook, which not trying to sort out rooms here, it's like spring came early with all this 'spring cleaning' and now as the rain thunders down outside I find myself thinking about dinner and perhaps a little singing while I try and finish off tidying the bedroom, how boring am I?
I think the most exciting news was that Posh Spice is Pregnant or should I still be concerned that Jar Jar Binks has 'come out' as a bisexual. I don't see what the big deal is over it all. They are normal people like the rest of us, or is that my problem; actually treating everyone as equals?!

Song that inspired today's title and today in general is Michael Bublé with 'Feeling Good'.

Also sent out to friends the first 1000 words of "Ladies of the West End"... here's a sneaky clip for you all!

In life people say it’s who you know, not what you know. I’m not too sure I believe that is so true anymore. Looking around at those I have come to know, some that I’ve even come to love; I see people that have simply been born lucky, or had things happen to them by chance. When I look at some of my friends, even some of my family Shakespeare comes to mind. I’m not saying that any of them look at all like him, though give my uncle a few years and the hair could be receding just as much. But one of Shakespeare’s most famous quotes, used again and again by so many people: “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.”

I think one of the greatest things to be thrust upon us all, as a global population is technology, the internet and the world wide reach that it brings to our fingertips... social networking! I find myself saying that it is thanks to these networks that I have some of my closest friends. Several of my closest friends. I tend to layer my friendships, though it may not always be for the best interest of my heart, or sanity for that matter. But I find that it leaves me feeling protected, less likely to be hurt. Less likely to be able to hurt others.

We didn’t start out as close as we are now; we only tended to meet at some weird social gathering around stage doors of West End theatres. Finding someone that didn’t seem too mad, that someone that you could talk to about the sets, costumes, songs, dance routines... the stars.

When I was a little girl, that’s all I wanted to be. Although my mother wasn’t interested my grandparents caught me dancing around the lounge to one of their South Pacific venal on full. Not really knowing or even understanding the words but mumbling along while dancing around, having raided my grandmother’s wardrobe and dressed in her special occasions outfit. I had big dreams of being on the stage; everything just felt like it was calling to me. The lights, make up, music, the dancing; oh how I loved the dancing. That’s really where it all begun for me. My grandparents took me to see a ballet show at the local theatre, it wasn’t anything grand like you find of the West End, or Broadway for that matter. But it was enough for me.

It's a work in progress, but I have to say I am rather proud to say that it feels like it is going somewhere. Will try write more tonight and post another snip it tomorrow.

What Dreams are Made of...

24 hours later and I think it safe to say that things are starting to look a little more settled once more, although I guess it depends how you look at life. I know for one that I am less an emotional wreck though having looked at my phone after writing yesterdays blog that there was a text message left on it that should have concerned me deeply and in fact left me not all that worried at all for the person and more sorry for those around them.

Found my birthday present from Davie earlier while sorting through the wicker baskets of jewellery, I feel some what of a bad person for never realising that he knew I couldn't wear Stirling silver and that it is real silver and in the shape of a heart, locket. He really shouldn't have given it to me while in an odd state of drunkenness, but there is such a lovely message inside "You Can Achieve What You Dream". He's not really one for sentimentality, which I have known for years - I feel actually rather stupid that I never realised how much time and effort he'd put into it for me.

He may have a point though, with the 'loss' that was seen on the West End last night so many tears were shed but I forgot what was really my priority. I forgot that I love seeing other people's dreams come true, but I forgot about working on my own.

Not too sure where today has gone, all I know is that after a 'pep' talk from my Nan I know I should feel ashamed, yet I don't. I got a text message saying that my sister was back at uni, but on the drive home someone went into the back of mother's car. I felt nothing. Does that make me a bitch? Heartless? I was more worried for the car and in turn my grandparents. Should the car need any repairs, or replacing mother won't pay, and she'll expect my grandparents too.

And that in itself is one of the reasons that I don't worry, don't look up to her, to a point don't even car. She's never done anything for others, even when me and my sister were children, babies even. It's always been about her. She doesn't care about our dreams, or what makes us, well us!

She knows nothing of giving, time or otherwise. I have such big dreams, but the involve family and friends, but most of all... not her.

When you know what you want, you know who you want it with. Those that love you, and in turn those that you want to share it with. Don't waist time on those that don't care, on those that would slow you down, or stop you getting your dreams all together. Everyone deserves dreams, and as I start working harder towards my own... I ask, do you know what you want? What are your dreams?

End of an Era

Well tonight was Sheridan Smith's last night as Elle Woods in the hit musical Legally Blonde. And with guest stars from her ex costars Richard Fleeshman and Duncan James during the Matinee I think it is safe to say that the talented little lady got a fantastic send off with sell out shows and audiences full of fans, friends and family.

What she'll do is any one's guess. Think she deserves a little holiday first, but wouldn't be surprised if we see Sheridan treading the boards of the west end some time soon.

Lazy Tickets

Well, I have to say that being back home has done me little good as my home for the day turned out to be in my duvet while I spent time looking over last years work, writing and evaluating plots. Almost feel I waisted today... not a good feeling. Although if anything I guess I really should think about what it is that i want to do while trying to sort out family affairs!

Tried to get Legally Blonde tickets for tomorrow Matinee, I just felt I had the need to be there, shame is that none of the ticket websites will load, so someone or something is trying to tell me it wouldn't be a good idea. Perhaps it is the want, or is it the need to see Sheridan Smith as Elle Woods one last time before she leaves the show tomorrow night? I know when I saw it in December I said it was the last time, but something just feels so wrong about not being able to be there tomorrow. Although I have read nothing but great reviews for Susan McFadden in the role you just know, if you've seen Sheridan in the role that there is only one her, and that although many fantastic actress' will tackle the complex role after here, there won't be another like her. Sheridan's use of facial expressions, body language and natural comical timing isn't something you can learn in a Drama School it is something that you are born with. No surprising then that the evening show is already sold out aside the tickets that the theatre will hold back for their 'Lotto' with many no doubt applying for it.

With reports from yesterday's show that Sheridan was already emotional and actually forgot lines on stage, it does make me wonder how the shows will go tomorrow, and if Sheridan will be able to complete the show 'ballard' named after the musical itself 'Legally Blonde' as there are usually tears shed on a daily basis then.

Above shown the Original West End Cast of Legally Blonde the Musical.

And with tomorrow being the last day, one door closes, but another opens! I believe me and Berry have a huge desire to get #thankyousheridan trending on the Twitter charts... watch this space is all I can say. With a few people about and tweeting it, we don't seem to have touched the surface yet... perhaps tomorrow will be a better day?!

On another note, I have been lucky enough to see the first few episodes of the new season of Glee. I am still waiting to see how the season progresses, though it is safe to say that episode 2 had me back in my youth remembering going around my friends house, putting on the CD's and dancing around on her bed, singing along to the songs into hairbrushes!

Friends, filming, travelling... action!

Finally home after a week away and I have to say it feels almost as though the Isle of Wight has it's own climate! Does make me wonder sometimes why I live here, then I remember that I am staying for Family and am getting excited for seeing where this year takes me.

After watching WALL.E I moved onto last weeks Holby City, or Amanda Mealing aka Connie Beauchamp's last episode. Some fantastic quotes in there and have to say that after seeing bit's of this tuesday's episode I am not holding high hopes for anything thrilling to capture me unless there is a 'guest appearance' from Connie further down the line. I just hope that Elliot stays although Luke Roberts aka Joseph Byrne is confirmed to leave. Tina Hobley said about a month ago in an interview that she returned from Maternity leave to find 7 new members of cast. Although we saw Mark saving one of his own and potentially putting Frieda Petrenko (played by Olga Fedori) in a sticky situation, I live in hope that the writers see some sort of sense and write in that the character changes from nurse to training as an F1. Lets face it, Frieda is far better then Oliver Valentine played by James Anderson and with Olga up for the NTA's Newcomer Award it seems stupid that the team would get rid of such a fantastic and dynamic new character.


Spent most of today filming myself in Bristol, so in 3 months time I am hoping to be blogging about how nutty I become when seeing myself once more on the TV screen. Nothing exciting, extra work. But it keeps my soul alive, which I am thankful for.


Royal Mail however are not in my good books. Dara O'Briain and Jimmy Carr DVD's already late for Christmas now sat at the local sorting office because Amazon thought they'd be kind to the planet and send them together in one parcel, so that it was too large to go through my letter box. I am so not amused right now, and I'm not kidding.


Loving my sister's idea to a healthier new year, Terry's Chocolate Orange and Ferrero Rocher's. She has a point, Orange, nuts, milk... all things needed to a healthy nutritional diet. Just kidding, I think she is mad, but I seem to currently have a liking for Cheese, Marmite and Cucumber sandwiches, so can I really talk?!


Really should head downstairs and taken down the tree and Christmas Cards, and perhaps even think about sorting through my bag. Think that is a job for tomorrow as Two and a Half Men and my Duvet are awaiting me.


Night Blogger Sphere! Sweet Dreams x

Great Expectations

Every year I make friends, meet people loose friends but I have to say the strangest one of all, is the feeling of loosing a best friend, despite nothing actually happening between the two of you. And although words are exchanged about still being there for one another, that nothing had changed, it is amazing at the rather large hole that does actually form when it is such a great 'love' that gets in the way.

In my case, I have to say it is probably my fault and although I had doubts I turned to my best friend needing their support in something that had shocked me the most, to find that they didn't want me to talk to them about it and didn't, in reality, want to know either. I knew that they were far too sensitive to the situation and still went ahead and spoke to them about it.

When in a friendship, or even a relationship, do we rely on one another too much with both physical and emotional needs? Or is it the lust of others wanting a 'perfect' life that leaves you wondering if you were just meant to be on this earth alone?

I feel that despite knowing I shouldn't have done it, that I said it all anyway, knowing that what I was doing was wrong. And it kept coming, like some great freight train and the sickening feeling after, when you feel as though you've just been hit in the stomach leaves you wanting to just curl up into a little ball and hide.

Perhaps I just feel a need to be alone, and as soon as someone gets too close I see the need to see them off before they can hurt me and leave me like so many before them. Or maybe I'm just not sociable enough. Moved to the back of beyond and an obscure upbringing didn't seem to have done anything to me, maybe it's a subconscious thing... or maybe I am just being paranoid!

I know people say blame the parents, and most shrinks go against that saying that the parents did all they could. I would have to say that my mother is one of the most uncaring, insensitive and self absorbed people you could come across, no joke. I know me and my sister didn't have the hardest of upbringing's, but I tell you, they were no picnic either.

The days we were sent to school, without breakfast and no lunch or lunch money were countless. The places we lived were so dangerous that I was in hospital three times in as many months at one point! I got told the other day that at the age of two I went to my mother, asked for a hug and got pushed away because she didn't feel like it. I think it safe to say that it was thanks to my grandparents that I turned out slightly normal!

Not too sure where all of that came from... perhaps I am onto something. Still positive day 5 of "my new year" and perhaps feeling ready to deal with issues that have haunted me from the past. And what better place then on the blogger sphere where no one knows I am, and no one reads the stuff I write! Cheap therapy!

Dating, Music and Cross Channel Phone Calls

So, despite everything that went on last night I was fool enough to take it upon myself to log into different dating sites to see if I could 'market' myself on there and perhaps find my Mr Right... should he perhaps be here on the cyber world... a girl can dream with limited means!!

Not very successful I have to add though. Found myself feeling disgusted at small bits of information they were asking like body type - I'd say average, though according to the unsaid online dating code I am apparently with a few extra pounds... how undignified. I have to quickly add that I abandoned the set up and went with Dave to the studio where we listened to some awesome tunes.

No point rushing these things, everything happens for a reason, and when Mr Right has bothered to get out of bed, and had a shower before gracing the world with his presence then I'll know about it.

Sorted things out from last night, well some of them. Still keeping positive as this is MY YEAR! I will shine and I will reach some of my goals... sound like some New Age nut that had just attended a self help weekend in a forest somewhere where we all sat around a bonfire and passed out fat free marshmellows to toast!

Think I really need to head home soon though, back to 'reality' or at least a form of it anyway. Grandparents seem okay, long call with nutty nan earlier. Nothing interesting to report, just she thinks her house has been taken over by a ghost, perhaps I should be a little more concerned for her then I am at present.

Job hunt needs to start again, I think that my batteries are recharged now and I am in such a positive place that I almost find myself saying "what could possibly go wrong." I may think it, and even write it, still not going to tempt fate by saying it out loud. Perhaps a little superstitious myself still.

Heartache; the best way to start living

Quick thought before I go to sleep. Sometimes tears aren't for sadness, but they don't bring happiness either. Tonight I learnt that the hardest decisions to make are often those that you never thought you would have too. And although, sometimes in our lives we love, that love is short lived and only there to change something about you, or the world you are living in.

Tonight, I learnt that despite my heart trying it's hardest to drum into me what I should do, the voice of reason and logic won the battle.

To look it over, it almost seems pathetic that a quick twitter clear out got rid of some of the anger within me but when you love someone, whether it Platonic or otherwise to be betrayed and lied too, nothing is able to prepare you for the cracks that appear before your heart quickly shatters into little pieces.

You never find all the bits again...

Social Networking

Well, news of the day appears to be from Amanda Holden with the 'shocking' news that she is currently six months pregnant, but wasn't able to announce it until now. It does make one wonder to why this was, although the fact that tickets for Shrek the Musical went on sale four months ago with her name selling them may have something to do with it. Producers were probably worried with loss of revenue if people knew that Amanda would be giving birth about the time rehearsals for the show would be starting meaning that there is a slight chance that we could see a repeat of what happened with Wicked at cast change, with the understudy opening the show and leading until Lee Mead was able to take over.

Though it does make you wonder what the world is coming too when major news in the UK is a star being pregnant and keeping it from the public for it to take no more then 12 minutes for it to be 'trending' in the Twitter charts.

Having listened to some of the songs from Shrek I have to say that I have low hopes for the show making its mark on the WestEnd following such smash hits as Wicked and Legally Blonde. With poor composition and weak lyrical content... high hopes? More giant flop!! 

Perhaps I should take a spin at being a Theatre Critic... would you all read my blogs if I did?

Good Morning 2011

Happy New Year to you all from up here in 'sunny' Worcestershire. A day to chill on the sofa eating party food and watching the boys playing on the xBox (even if I don't understand it) killing just doesn't seem the best way to start a new year!

I was very lucky and got my New Year's kiss too <3

After this waffle I should probably go and make lunch and be a really girlie girl looking after the 2 boys who have sore heads!!

Sarah x